yay for me slacking and not updating this journal! I'm terrible at this shit. I kinda want to write more, but I'm lazy and my life isn't that interesting. I need to make it interesting. How? I dunno. Steal?
......lol the life of rika from jail. funny. not.
BUT ANYWAYS. I'm getting distracted. on to the entry...
Parents. They love when their child can do something absolutely amazing. And sometimes, they just want to help. But there's helping and just being plain annoying and pushy; sometimes verging on exploiting their child's talent. Like my dad. (well, he's not at the exploitation part, but I dunno, he could get there).
I draw. And, I think I'm fairly good, BUT, I still suck monkey balls. and that's okay. Because I'm not taking it as seriously as I should xD I just draw for pleasure, and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. And that means I don't really draw that often, because I'm sometimes caught up in one of my other interests. Lately, it's been writing. (I like writing :B)...but anyways, I'm not interested in selling any art, and frankly, I suck at doing commisions and so on (I procrastinate a whole bunch, something I really need to work on in the next year.) I just want to draw for myself. and no one else.
But my dad....he thinks otherwise.
Lately, he's been pushing me a lot. Pushing me to draw more, telling me to draw things that I, frankly, do not find interesting, telling me to PRINT MY PERSONAL DRAWINGS AND POST THEM ALL OVER THE HOUSE, and to sell my artwork.
...all of those I do not want to do.
(he also keeps asking me 'how's progress coming? I WANT TO SEE RESULTS! no. fuck you. I work at my own pace and you're making me want to work less and less.)
(aha, nother bracket: he recently wants me to print off a picture of my personal character, Jake, to post around the house. no. She's staying on my computer, kthnx.)
(note #3: by personal drawings, I mean drawings that are of my characters, gaia av art that I've done (....um, only one xD), and all that stuff. and I'm heavily against doing so. Because they're so personal, and the only people I want them to see is my best friends. that's about it, really.)
yep. and it's basically annoying that he keeps pestering me in this way. I don't care that I could make money off my work; the big thing is that i don't want to.
and if I say something, he'll probably call me stupid for passing up an opportunity like this. But not everone wants to make money off of their art, and I'm one of them. And also--not everyone wants their shit up allll over the house. Maybe the only place I would want my stuff is in my room. He'll also say that I'm wasting my talent--but how is not wanting to profit, or any of that, a waste of talent? :/ please, someone tell me. I want to know.
Yes, I know I should have things for people to admire, but at the same time, I don't. Like, it's cool if you see me drawing and ask about it. but that's about it. I don't want it hanging all over the house. The stuff I draw isn't really for that.
I know you're proud of me, dad, but please. back off. You're not helping my inspiration in any way.
I haven't touched my drawing of Deon Rexroat from Anberlin in ages because I feel a little burnt out. And this is a drawing that I desperately want to finish and I dunno, put in a portfolio.
...rant over, I guess. And I need to talk to him about this, but I'm really afraid that he'll say things like i'm being stupid, or that my talent's going to waste.
; w; i hate this.
k. well. tomorrow I'll write about something else that's on my mind~
(oh, ps: Armistice by Mute Math is an amazing album. I command you to buy this album!)